Attachment Styles: What Are They and How to Find Out Yours
Unless you are an active member in the communication studies field, you probably have not heard of the term, attachment style. However, you probably have become familiar with the concept after years of interactions with a variety of people. In its simplest form, attachment style means how we relate or connect with others. It is the predominant trend of how much anxiety one feels during social interactions and how likely they are to avoid social interactions. Feelings of anxiety or avoidance range from high to low, with low meaning one normally does not feel anxiety or the desire to avoid social interactions. Based on current research, there are 4 main attachment styles developed by Kim Bartholomew. These attachment styles are secure, preoccupied, dismissive, and fearful-avoidant. In this article we will explore all four of these attachment styles, but we will particularly pay attention to the preoccupied attachment style, because this is the most common in codependent relationships.
Secure – People with a secure attachment style have low avoidance and low anxiety when dealing with social interactions. They are comfortable with intimacy and generally feel loved and accepted. They also prefer interdependent relationships and are comfortable with expressing their emotions and providing comfort for someone in need.
Preoccupied – This is the attachment style we are most concerned with, because it deals directly with codependent relationships. People with this attachment have low avoidance but high anxiety with social interactions. They are very concerned with what others feel about them and because of this concern they are dependent on others for feelings of validation and approval. People with a preoccupied attachment style also want excessive intimacy and are often overly involved and clingy when in comes to relationships. Because of there excessive want of intimacy they also crave relationships and are frequently dating somebody.
Dismissive – This attachment style is almost the opposite of a preoccupied style. People in this category have high avoidance but low anxiety with social interactions. They are uncomfortable with intimacy and generally feel that they are independent of everybody else and think that they do not need relationships. They can often appear distant, as they do not share their feelings often.
Fearful-Avoidant – This attachment style is more of a combination of preoccupied and dismissive. They have high avoidance along with high anxiety in social interactions. They generally see themselves as flawed and not worthy of loving and caring relationship. Although they want to be close to others, they fear intimacy and expect to get hurt in relationships.
Below we have provided further illustrations to understand attachment styles along with the differences of communication patterns among the attachment styles. To find out your attachment style, read over both charts and decide which style fits most aspects of your social interactions.
Secure – People with a secure attachment style have low avoidance and low anxiety when dealing with social interactions. They are comfortable with intimacy and generally feel loved and accepted. They also prefer interdependent relationships and are comfortable with expressing their emotions and providing comfort for someone in need.
Preoccupied – This is the attachment style we are most concerned with, because it deals directly with codependent relationships. People with this attachment have low avoidance but high anxiety with social interactions. They are very concerned with what others feel about them and because of this concern they are dependent on others for feelings of validation and approval. People with a preoccupied attachment style also want excessive intimacy and are often overly involved and clingy when in comes to relationships. Because of there excessive want of intimacy they also crave relationships and are frequently dating somebody.
Dismissive – This attachment style is almost the opposite of a preoccupied style. People in this category have high avoidance but low anxiety with social interactions. They are uncomfortable with intimacy and generally feel that they are independent of everybody else and think that they do not need relationships. They can often appear distant, as they do not share their feelings often.
Fearful-Avoidant – This attachment style is more of a combination of preoccupied and dismissive. They have high avoidance along with high anxiety in social interactions. They generally see themselves as flawed and not worthy of loving and caring relationship. Although they want to be close to others, they fear intimacy and expect to get hurt in relationships.
Below we have provided further illustrations to understand attachment styles along with the differences of communication patterns among the attachment styles. To find out your attachment style, read over both charts and decide which style fits most aspects of your social interactions.